Put down the sandwich, you really don't need it.

I'm sitting here enjoying a beer and looking upon my daily food intake and I'm feeling a bit sad, I seem to have gone right off track and I'm regularly eating more than double what I should be eating and its mainly snacks and chocolate to blame. I worked really hard to get to the size I currently am, slimming right down and starting to feel happy in my progress, I was also happy that I'd managed to consistently stick to my guns and eat properly but I now sit here starting to feel uncomfortable, my stomach has that bloated sensation and I'm sure a pair of tracksuit bottoms which were relatively loose a couple of months back felt a little tighter, when I had them on yesterday.

I know exactly where I'm going wrong, I'm eating too much in my afternoon break, I'm also having a false sense of how much I can eat with my bodybugg, stupidly I seem to be telling myself, it doesn't matter if I have four or more slices of toast with meat or some kind of topping, my bodybugg will show that it was ok and I shouldn't worry, the weird thing is, I'm handing out advice to other people, that I'm not following myself, I even have colleagues questioning my snack purchases at work, mentioning that they thought I was watching what I was eating.

I merely smile and laugh it off suggesting that it'll be alright, since I have tomorrow or my exercise classes to sort myself out, well based on the way I feel right now, I'm genuinely scared to step on a scale, I haven't weighed myself in over a month, so I'm not quite sure what I'll weigh when I do weigh myself again. I'm pretty sure that at some point in this post, I was likely to have put, well I'll be pulling my socks up and getting back to eating properly and also logging on my fitness pal but I've said that before, I've also mentioned that this is possibly a blip and I'll get back to eating properly and losing those last few tricky pounds.

The sad fact is, if I don't genuinely do something I will end up back at my starting weight, which annoys me, since I really hoped I had turned over a new leaf and was on the road to a fitter healthier me but alas, it seems my fucking impulse control issues have overtaken me yet again, I really need one of those angry personal trainers you see in films and comedy sketches shouting at me, whenever I go to have an extra slice of toast during my break, especially as I don't really need it, as I'll be getting my evening meal when I get home after work.

I think I'm in that post weight loss period where I seem to have lost a whole bunch of weight, so I should be alright eating a couple of extra treats, as I'll be able to handle it, when I should be limiting the treats that I have to being just that a treat, rather than a regular part of my diet, I also need to have smaller amounts of food during my longer breaks and telling myself no, you can't have that big bar of chocolate, or asking my colleague to snap me off a small piece and then hiding the rest from me, if that makes me a helpless child, then so be it, I suppose I should perhaps speak to someone about my food issues and see what I can do to stop myself from eating it all when I should be eating a portion.

I suppose I should sign off with my usual upbeat, life carries on and I'll bundle through but quick frankly I don't think I should be quite so laid back right now, in fact, I'm just going to see where the next week takes me and hopefully I'll be in a better frame of mind.

Last week reviewed

So I'm sitting here on a Monday afternoon, with a smile on my face, I had my weigh in this morning and I had lost six lbs, which I was pretty surprised at, it means I weighed 13st 2lbs (184lbs) I also looked over my diet for the last week and it was certainly a lot better than it had been for the week before. I increased my output and decreased my intake and still managed to enjoy puddings and the Iceland takeaway meal components. I also feel a lot better in myself, happier in general, I suppose writing out my problems as I see them was quite cathartic and forced me to stop coasting and beating myself up, I had a quick check and discovered that the beers, mini rolls, babybels and scone weighed in at a rather shocking 2017 calories and 77g of fat, this was on top of what I'd eaten that day.

I've also avoided having a meal when I've been on my break and having something small like a low fat mousse, or a crispbake, just to alleviate and hunger pangs I've have, as a result I've been able to keep to my daily allowance, I did worry that I might have been under eating by exercising and sticking strictly to my allowance but based on the last couple of days, I seem to have been balancing it out, going over my allowance but still having a reasonable deficit according to the bodybugg.

The moment I finished the last blog post, I decided I would walk to and from Newcastle for cheap cinema Tuesday and saw the Bourne Legacy, which was a pretty good actioner, though it seemed to tail off towards the end , the walking resulted in a small blister on my foot but that's the price of getting fit. I also managed to get to the gym on Wednesday and Thursday, then had my Boxercise and Spinning classes on Saturday.

All in all, I guess you can say, I had a much better week and seem to have reignited my interest in my fitness, this is pretty important since I've signed up for Tough Mudder North West UK in November and I'd like to finish without feeling like I'm going to die.

And that's when it all started going wrong.

I had a blog post written that I decided I would hold off publishing until July so I could have a six month roundup of my thoughts on how my resolutions had held up and how I was doing fitness wise, well, since I first put fingers to keyboard on the post and the first day of the seventh month, it all went to hell in a handcart.

My diet is utter dog shit at the moment, I'm trying to avoid eating badly and get more sleep, exercise more and continue to lose the weight I've gained over the last few decades but I seem to be almost deliberately sabotaging myself, I was really happy that I hadn't had anything with alcohol in it for almost six months, I had some in the cupboard that was left over from Christmas, well after I started my new job, I felt like I would have 2 cans in celebration of actually having a job with decent hours, allowing me the luxury of actually having money, instead of basically pocket change.

Now I'm not blaming the new job for this, that would be a stupid thing to do, since the job doesn't force me to eat the things I do, or drink alcohol and stay up till 6am singing songs and drinking, it doesn't keep me awake and cause me to feel too tired to get my arse to the gym, or my fitness classes, my job does none of these things, its just a place I go to earn a living, serving people with things.

The blame is entirely my own, which is why, I've not lost anymore weight since I reached 13st 11lbs (193lbs) in fact, my weight has gone back up, then down and back up again, at my last weigh in, I was 13st 12lbs which I was pleased about, as I've not gone over the 14st mark yet. I keep saying I'll knuckle down and get things back on track and I really mean to but since I'm sitting here writing this post at 3am having drank I'm guessing something with caffeine in it, I'm not feeling particularly tired right now, I guess I'm also lucky that my job has me on shifts that start at 4pm, which would give me enough time to get to the gym, or pool for a bit of exercise.

So, I yet again have made yet another promise to myself, that I will get off my arse and get down to the gym for my fitness classes, stop eating all kinds of unhealthy foods and get back on the no alcohol bandwagon, since it seems I'm drinking a large amount of calories whenever I do have a drink, it isn't just a couple, its much more, like the 2 bottles of weight watchers wine, then the 35cl of rum and full sugar irn bru. 

I just need to get back to it with no I'll just have one last thing then the diet starts tomorrow style fanfare and just start the day eating much better and actually do some exercise and stop staying up so late, hopefully the next time I write about how my journey is going, this will be a slightly large blip but simply that, a blip.

I hope no one thinks this is some form of self pitying whine, all oh woah is me and not my fault type of post, its just me being honest with myself and I guess the rest of the world/people I know, so please don't think of it as that. So I'm going to publish this post, step away from the computer and get my self to bed and push myself off to boxercise in the morning, since I'm hoping to test the bodybugg and see just what I burn with the class.

Sometimes, you just need a little more.

I've had a few ups and downs in my journey towards a fitter healthier me, the weeks when no weight seemed to come off, the weeks when half a stone fell off, I can now get through a fitness class, without almost dying, boxercise and kettlebell are still hard but I'm recovering a lot quicker than I did four months ago. 

I helped with a beach survey for the Marine Conservation Society last Friday, spending an hour picking up and noting down the types of litter that was on a 100 metre patch of Marsden beach, a lovely little place I've not been to in a few years. They asked us to trawl the beach for an hour and afterwards we were provided with some snacks, drinks and a money off voucher from Marks & Spencer as a little thank you, for our hard work. I helped myself to a few extra snacks when everyone had helped themselves as they would only go to waste if they weren't eaten.

As I had some time before I was expected home, I decided to go for a bit of a longer ride than usual, heading through the Tyne tunnel and then along towards Newcastle before heading up to and across Scotswood bridge and back down past the Metrocentre before riding alongside the Tyne and up to home. After I plotted my route, it seems I'd done 34.68 miles, which I was quite surprised at and because I was in a restless mood, I thought, I think I'll go for a swim, so I did, managing a mile in the time that was left before the pool closed. Though it seems that I hurt my shoulder a little, as I'd had an accident and came off my bike on a small wooden stathes beside the Metrocentre, as it was soaking wet and very slick.

I managed to get through 6 packets of Chocolate, Pecan  Popcorn and a few other things, clocking up 950 calories in snacks, which was a bit annoying, since these were 'healthier snacks' but since my exercise weighed in at 2672 calories I think it'll be alright.

On Saturday I did my usual boxercise class then straight afterwards I did a spinning class, which was unbelievably hard, mainly I think because I'd done all the cycling on Friday but also because its so hard, especially where you float just over the seat and your quads start to scream at you, I wanted to go swimming but it seems I'd forgotten my trucks, oh well.

I had hoped to to some exercise on the Sunday but after downloading Trials Evolution, Lee and I just spent the day playing on that and creating a new track. I managed to eat a lot of food though, for some reason I was not that hungry but felt like I needed it, so my calorie intake was 1,500 calories over my daily allowance, which I was a little sad about but I guess my body was in need of the energy, with all the exercise I'd been doing.

Still I weighed in at 14st 0lbs (196lbs) on Monday so it seems I'm still managing to lose the weight. and I shouldn't worry, since my body obviously knows what it needs, although not so many packets of chocolate popcorn next time.

Looks like the black dog is rearing its head

I've had a couple of down days, where I've not really been to the gym, or been bothered that I wasn't doing any exercise, I didn't rush for the ice cream or sweets but just thought, screw it, I'm done what am I bothering for, this is a waste of time, I couldn't pull myself out of the funk, I guessed it was my downswing to my upswing of late, it made me realise I can still have moments of depression that last long enough to almost throw me off my journey to a fitter me.

I managed to get out of bed early enough to attend Boxercise today, since through staying up late, or being extra tired, I've missed it for about three weeks, which was damned annoying, I still had a niggling give up feeling going on but I got in there and punched bags, kicked pads and ran, I then went into the gym and challenged myself to row ten miles on the rowing machine which I did but felt pretty drained afterwards, managing it in an hour and twenty two minutes, I may try for more miles in future but will be finding something softer to sit on, as the little seat starts getting really uncomfortable.

I'm so very close to being sub fourteen stone, to give up now, means I've wasted the last few months and I'm just not prepared to do that, I'm going to push myself on, since I felt much better once I'd finished at the gym and had a spot of really healthy lunch.

I am also going to take part in a Tough Mudder event in November, ten to twelve miles of obstacles, water and mud, it looks fantastic, the only problem I'm having is the travel, it seems there is no direct bus links between the nearest station and the event site, I also need to camp overnight as the earliest train wouldn't give me enough time to get there, still these are obstacles I'll overcome.

I think I may also start training for this event on Tuesday, the first day in May, which seems like as good a time as any and this should hopefully pull me out of the current funk