Last week reviewed

So I'm sitting here on a Monday afternoon, with a smile on my face, I had my weigh in this morning and I had lost six lbs, which I was pretty surprised at, it means I weighed 13st 2lbs (184lbs) I also looked over my diet for the last week and it was certainly a lot better than it had been for the week before. I increased my output and decreased my intake and still managed to enjoy puddings and the Iceland takeaway meal components. I also feel a lot better in myself, happier in general, I suppose writing out my problems as I see them was quite cathartic and forced me to stop coasting and beating myself up, I had a quick check and discovered that the beers, mini rolls, babybels and scone weighed in at a rather shocking 2017 calories and 77g of fat, this was on top of what I'd eaten that day.

I've also avoided having a meal when I've been on my break and having something small like a low fat mousse, or a crispbake, just to alleviate and hunger pangs I've have, as a result I've been able to keep to my daily allowance, I did worry that I might have been under eating by exercising and sticking strictly to my allowance but based on the last couple of days, I seem to have been balancing it out, going over my allowance but still having a reasonable deficit according to the bodybugg.

The moment I finished the last blog post, I decided I would walk to and from Newcastle for cheap cinema Tuesday and saw the Bourne Legacy, which was a pretty good actioner, though it seemed to tail off towards the end , the walking resulted in a small blister on my foot but that's the price of getting fit. I also managed to get to the gym on Wednesday and Thursday, then had my Boxercise and Spinning classes on Saturday.

All in all, I guess you can say, I had a much better week and seem to have reignited my interest in my fitness, this is pretty important since I've signed up for Tough Mudder North West UK in November and I'd like to finish without feeling like I'm going to die.

Impulse control problems *check*

I'm failing, I don't think there is any other way to put this, that simply I'm failing. It took me so long to write the last blog post again, that, my good intentions that I started with, faded away and left me back at square one as it were. I also realised that I have an impulse control problem, I realise that people who've read my blog posts are probably sitting there thinking, no shit Sherlock, oh course you have one.

Soreen Maltloaf

I can't remember if I mentioned this in one of my other self reflection posts that I did but the realisation hit me like a sledgehammer to the face, when I sat during my break at work and ate two maltloaves, for those who are unfamiliar with this food stuff, its a malty sweet bread, that's a bit like marmite, you either like it or you don't, they are low fat but calorie dense, so one loaf has 690cal but only 4 grams of fat.

Then just last night, I bought myself four cans of beer and although I didn't get happy drunk, I must have gotten drunk as I wolfed down six mini babybel cheeses, six cadbury mini rolls and a clotted cream scone from Asda. I realise that when you're drunk you tend to eat badly due to not being fully in control but I ate the maltloaves when sober, I intended on having a small portion but couldn't help myself, I think deep down I've known that I had this problen which is one of the reasons that I've never touched any kind of class a recreational narcotic, simply because I'd probably end up with a substance abuse problem.

The lovely Quinnbee on Fitocracy said "Don't let the 'maltloaf' undo your amazing work!" which are words I really want to live by but I seem to be in a vicious circle, I eat badly then hate myself for not making better choices, or over eating, then resolve to make better choices and then trip myself up. I seem to be allowing myself to do this, after all, when I started knuckling down at the start of the year and made the progress I've made, I didn't have so many 'food choice accidents' I really don't know what's wrong, its almost like I want to derail my progress, whenever I walk near my local river 'the Tyne' I get a slight urge to throw my phone into the water and I've no idea why, its like I'm determined to say to myself you don't deserve nice things, the same with my health, either I don't want to lose anymore weight and achieve the flat stomach™ or I want to live with the perpetual oh woah is me victim mentality.

I guess part of it stems from the way I've always been, I take an interest in something, then for months, that's the thing that holds my interest, until it suddenly doesn't, I've always done this, with games, programming, tv, reading, blogging etc. it seems that, I'm now losing interest, in getting healthier, which is why I'm not focusing on it as much as I was or should be. I'm still going to the gym but not as often as I should, though saying that, I could do some form of exercise in the house, I'm just not pushing myself into doing that.

So mere weeks after pulling my socks up, it seems my socks have been taken off, washed, dried and hidden in the back of the drawer and I sit here yet again, going over yet another failure in maintaining my diet and exercise routine. With this in mind, I really want to say, that's it I'm pulling up my proverbial socks and getting back to eating properly and exercising more but that seems like a waste of time even typing, I suppse I'll just have to see what happens in the next few weeks and hopefully I'll get myself back on track and continue to get stronger and fitter.

So let's see what the next week brings and if I manage to reignite my interest in my health.

Socks well and truly pulled up.

After my last post, I decided that I would stop weighing in, partly because it would probably just upset me and flip some non existent switch in my head that made me say screw it, I don't care about gaining weight and also because I don't want to know if I've gone over the 14 stone mark, since I worked hard to get to that point.

So I decided that I would take a week off measuring what I'm eating and just get back into it, on the following Monday, starting afresh, then weirdly on my day off, I suddenly had the urge to do something a bit healthier, Susan had the idea that we could go to Washington (North East England, the original Washington fact fans) so off we went, to pick up some things Lee needed for his work experience week with the army, when we decided that, we should walk home, so off went, walking and chatting. When we got home Susan had to take Sophie to nursery and I decided to go to the gym, I did a bit of cardio, a few weights and swam a mile, I also decided to get back to properly recording what I was eating on both mfp and the bodybugg site.

It made me realise that, setting a specific day when you're going to start eating properly and exercising more, is counter productive, since you'll justify some chocolate or takeaway binge, with the idea, that you're new healthier eating plan and exercise regime will make those calories simply disappear and they won't have counted in the first place, it also made me realise thaat there really is no time like the present, to make those changes and act on them.

I read on Twitter that someone else was at the same point I was, that they'd slacked with their resolutions and hadn't exercised and eaten badly, which made me feel a little better that I'd done this. So here's to getting over this I say small blip, when it was more like a huge bad choices hill and getting over it, took longer than it should have, I can see why people end up quitting eating well and go back to their old habits, its far easier to eat any old crap, than pick carefully and be mindful of what's going in your mouth.

So, I sit here finishing this post having exercised in some form for the last four days, I also ate a huge piece of cream cake with my evening meal, so I guess it all evens out, so onto next week and my Monday weigh in, where I'm hoping that I'll not be over the 14 stone mark, though if I am, I'll take it in my stride and get back to proper exercise and eating less rubbish.

And that's when it all started going wrong.

I had a blog post written that I decided I would hold off publishing until July so I could have a six month roundup of my thoughts on how my resolutions had held up and how I was doing fitness wise, well, since I first put fingers to keyboard on the post and the first day of the seventh month, it all went to hell in a handcart.

My diet is utter dog shit at the moment, I'm trying to avoid eating badly and get more sleep, exercise more and continue to lose the weight I've gained over the last few decades but I seem to be almost deliberately sabotaging myself, I was really happy that I hadn't had anything with alcohol in it for almost six months, I had some in the cupboard that was left over from Christmas, well after I started my new job, I felt like I would have 2 cans in celebration of actually having a job with decent hours, allowing me the luxury of actually having money, instead of basically pocket change.

Now I'm not blaming the new job for this, that would be a stupid thing to do, since the job doesn't force me to eat the things I do, or drink alcohol and stay up till 6am singing songs and drinking, it doesn't keep me awake and cause me to feel too tired to get my arse to the gym, or my fitness classes, my job does none of these things, its just a place I go to earn a living, serving people with things.

The blame is entirely my own, which is why, I've not lost anymore weight since I reached 13st 11lbs (193lbs) in fact, my weight has gone back up, then down and back up again, at my last weigh in, I was 13st 12lbs which I was pleased about, as I've not gone over the 14st mark yet. I keep saying I'll knuckle down and get things back on track and I really mean to but since I'm sitting here writing this post at 3am having drank I'm guessing something with caffeine in it, I'm not feeling particularly tired right now, I guess I'm also lucky that my job has me on shifts that start at 4pm, which would give me enough time to get to the gym, or pool for a bit of exercise.

So, I yet again have made yet another promise to myself, that I will get off my arse and get down to the gym for my fitness classes, stop eating all kinds of unhealthy foods and get back on the no alcohol bandwagon, since it seems I'm drinking a large amount of calories whenever I do have a drink, it isn't just a couple, its much more, like the 2 bottles of weight watchers wine, then the 35cl of rum and full sugar irn bru. 

I just need to get back to it with no I'll just have one last thing then the diet starts tomorrow style fanfare and just start the day eating much better and actually do some exercise and stop staying up so late, hopefully the next time I write about how my journey is going, this will be a slightly large blip but simply that, a blip.

I hope no one thinks this is some form of self pitying whine, all oh woah is me and not my fault type of post, its just me being honest with myself and I guess the rest of the world/people I know, so please don't think of it as that. So I'm going to publish this post, step away from the computer and get my self to bed and push myself off to boxercise in the morning, since I'm hoping to test the bodybugg and see just what I burn with the class.

Uh oh.

As I've already mentioned I started a new job, I've been helping move stock around and filling up the shelves, learning the till and procedures for serving alcohol (miners fine, minors not fine) so I've not really had any time to get to the gym or the pool, I've been really tired after each day, since I must be working hard but it seems my diet hasn't been as healthy as it should have been these last couple of weeks.

My wife helps her friend at weight watchers so, I was able to get myself weighed on a proper set of weigh watcher scales and discovered that I have put back on two and a half pounds, this means I over ate by around 8,750 calories these last few days/weeks which to be honest, I'm not surprised at, I thought that my guestimated exercise was obviously more than it actually was, this means I'm back to where I was three weeks ago. I'm glad to still be under the 14st mark, it just means I'm going to have to stick rigidly to my alloted 1,710 daily calories, since the walk to work and the exercise I'm doing whilst at work, aren't enough obviously.

Still, this is only a minor set back and I should take it as a sign, that my bad eating habits of the last few weeks mean, I can easily start to regain the weight I'm working hard to get rid of, so it's time to knuckle down, since I have no idea of my shift patterns and perhaps do some exercise in the house, or get myself off to the gym/pool instead of just lounging around the house.

As the saying goes onwards and upwards, these things are sent to try us, well things can just bugger off, as far as I'm concerned.

Looks like the black dog is rearing its head

I've had a couple of down days, where I've not really been to the gym, or been bothered that I wasn't doing any exercise, I didn't rush for the ice cream or sweets but just thought, screw it, I'm done what am I bothering for, this is a waste of time, I couldn't pull myself out of the funk, I guessed it was my downswing to my upswing of late, it made me realise I can still have moments of depression that last long enough to almost throw me off my journey to a fitter me.

I managed to get out of bed early enough to attend Boxercise today, since through staying up late, or being extra tired, I've missed it for about three weeks, which was damned annoying, I still had a niggling give up feeling going on but I got in there and punched bags, kicked pads and ran, I then went into the gym and challenged myself to row ten miles on the rowing machine which I did but felt pretty drained afterwards, managing it in an hour and twenty two minutes, I may try for more miles in future but will be finding something softer to sit on, as the little seat starts getting really uncomfortable.

I'm so very close to being sub fourteen stone, to give up now, means I've wasted the last few months and I'm just not prepared to do that, I'm going to push myself on, since I felt much better once I'd finished at the gym and had a spot of really healthy lunch.

I am also going to take part in a Tough Mudder event in November, ten to twelve miles of obstacles, water and mud, it looks fantastic, the only problem I'm having is the travel, it seems there is no direct bus links between the nearest station and the event site, I also need to camp overnight as the earliest train wouldn't give me enough time to get there, still these are obstacles I'll overcome.

I think I may also start training for this event on Tuesday, the first day in May, which seems like as good a time as any and this should hopefully pull me out of the current funk

What do you mean I shouldn't do that.

Since I've joined Fitocracy, I've seen some many positive stories and pictures of people losing weight and getting fitter/stronger, there are also a number of stories where people have had bad experiences with other users of the gym they attend. Most stories seem to be of the annoying people who go to my gym, or these total fools were trying to lift something extra heavy but they were lifting it improperly, so will do themselves a permanent injury.

There are a few that have really annoyed me and those are the ones where the member is a Woman and they've had some total misogynist clown, point them in the direction of the cardio machines and away from the free weight/resistance machines, or commenting on how they won't be able to do a certain exercise, like pull ups because they're a bit overweight. This is massively shitty behaviour, having seen some of the workouts people have posted I'm constantly surprised at the number of Women posting lifts they've done that I can't do yet.

So when some insecure Man makes a dumb comment, it really annoys me, they are judging a book by its cover, they have no idea what anyone can do, so why make comments like that, my guess would be they are either scared that they might be shown up by 'the weaker sex' or because they seem to think that Women shouldn't be in their space, touching their weights, either way this is the kind of thinking belongs in the Victorian era.

It doesn't matter what kind of exercise that anyone does to get themselves fitter, these days there should be no, Men or Women specific exercises, hell the only thing that Women can do that Men can't is actually give birth, though in the case of Trans people that line is being blurred. So in the spirit of no specific fitness classes, I'm going to give Pilates a try because I hear its a killer set of exercises.

Another week another single post.

Somehow this daily blogging doesn't seem to have taken off like I thought it would, more remembering occasionally then thinking I should probably update it, still been avoiding booze and chocolate, 21 days now which is nice, even stuck to tonic water at my Father in-laws birthday meal the other night. Grandma's 90th birthday is tomorrow, so we're all going to see her and sing happy birthday at the home, there's supposed to be some kind of turn being put on, likely the guitar guy doing the 60's hits I heard the last time a resident had a birthday.

Nissan is still pretty good, we did spot welding and kaizen which is 'continuous improvement' aside from the theory on the board we did a timed peg slotting, a planks puzzle and a production line building plugs, where we managed to make 5 plugs the first time, due to the way they lay out the production line, then we improve it and make as many as we can, which turned out to be 22 plugs, with 2 that were unsaleable

I've also started to use http://www.fitocracy.com/home/ which is a fitness tracking site which turns exercising into a game, where the more you do, the more you level up, there are quests and badges to 'win' so it's given me the get up and go, to get up and get out there, putting one foot in front of the other, even going to the gym today.

Hopefully I can also motivate myself to personal blog a bit more often and also finish my coll3ctive posts sooner.